The summer

Studies have shown that if you simply smile at a person, randomly for no reason, you could be helping them even if its to the point and matter of life and death.  So I make it a habit to crank one of those out at least once a day.  Even in the mirror.  It can convey a feeling and validation that says "I see you."

Over the summer- 2014, I applied for multiple positions varying in the city I live in.  Multiple times I had come oh so close.  During this season, I worked in a minimum wage job, with obscure hours, no real hope of advancement and with a ridiculous turn over rate.  Way to validate a journey and a hundred thousand dollars plus of college education right?

Truth is, and this is more of a secret, I didn't possess the confidence to do much else.  I relied pretty heavily on the public transit system, which doesn't run on Sundays, my personal hygiene was pretty neglected.  It hurt to smile because I looked like an extra in a Tim Burton film whose decayed enamel was a bit too ratchet.  And I was just getting over that one thing- the stigma that it took me so long to get through college.

Let's talk about this.

I did not do college well.  In fact, I failed pretty spectacularly consistently.  I wasn't proud of it.  Every time somebody teased me about it, I got that nauseous tingly feeling and felt about a centimeter big.  But it took some months to pass by and I didn't think about it too much.  I was working- low paying gigs here and there, and I put dignity and self- forgetfulness at the heart of my motivation.

I didn't have the confidence to do a lot of things.

Then Grace and an amazing community stepped in and breathed life into me.  I was meeting pretty intensely and consistently about counsel in general in how to aggressively attack my hindrances.  This meant painful conversations about things like personal finances, personal hygiene, personal assertiveness had to be addressed.  But  I calmly started out every meeting like this- for weeks by saying "I didn't do things well and I haven't felt good about a lot of things for awhile."  I wasn't looking for validation, pity, or empathy.  I just wanted to say it out loud to show I was done being scared

Amazing things happened.  I got the choppers fixed, I got a sweet set of wheels, got some major practical needs addressed, and got focused on bigger picture type stuff.  I'm grateful for my community of faith.  For praying for me.  For pushing me outside my comfort zone.  For loving and serving me.

  Perhaps the most rewarding thing that occurred is for 12 weeks, I got to be the guy who sets up and tears down- a tremendous service to the church in which I attend.  Every week, it was a new perspective.  I felt less selfish each and every time I did it.  I felt a bit more joyful every week as it passed by.  And naturally, I felt pretty efficient with each passing time.

I guess the biggest thing I take away from the summer is Life and more specifically, the Creator and His people cared for me.  I didn't go on some exotic summer getaway.  I didn't have any major life events happen worth mentioning, but simply I grew as a person and for the better.