Work,lately.

It would be unbecoming to sit here and tell you, that like most people, I live to work.  And that working is for the dream, the comfort, and the status.

You could call bullshit on me, because I'd be lying.

I've worked odd jobs.  Low paying jobs.  Decent paying ones.  Jobs that have caused me to question my humanity, even my dignity and integrity as a human being.  If I ever figure out why I've done those things, I'll let you know.

Work isn't an escape.  It isn't a getaway.  I have to pay bills ultimately, and create some financial peace and stability.  These are the practical reasons.  But why do I really work?  Is there a soul nourishing, life giving reason as to why I show up and do the things I'm asked to do?

I don't have the perfect job. I didn't hit the fast track to success.  In fact, a lot of my world seems incompatible at the moment.  My family is struggling to stay together.  I still suffer from some pretty serious trauma- mentally and emotionally.  I can be as self-centered as they come.  If anything, working has exposed my incompetency, and insecurities.  Why would anyone want to listen to me and take any advice I have?

The only real feasible explanation I have is, my faith keeps me working.  The God in my faith, makes a shocking and not so easy proposition- Lose myself and inherit glory.  This means entering into suffering, sorrow, loneliness, but an ultimate relationship of love and fellowship  Either that or gain my life and forfeit that same glory.  This means being strapped to idols that suffocate- self centeredness, self-actualization, self- promotion, power grabbing, and the life.

Being meek, lowly, and broken are championed virtues in my faith.  That somehow means I got to make it translate into working as well.

I love not feeling like I have to prove something to somebody when I go into the workplace.  Being meek means I can work hard, while not being taken for granted.  Being lowly means there's a vulnerability in how others can treat me- good and bad, which helps facilitate honest and nurturing relationships.  Being broken means I can be present (which is a life skill I plead everyone to develop) and draw out the beauty of the person and the environment.  If you can laugh at yourself, your mistakes, and your inadequacy, that's a valuable work place skill as well.

So, I guess, this is work.  Lately.