You know you're ThAt Christian Native when. . .

. . . when- you're going to a community feed, fully anticipating the deliciousness of potato salad, burnt burgers, and squishy hotdogs, then all of a sudden somebody in a panic asks you to pray over the meal and gathering.

when- as you're being asked to be the prayer dude, you run it through your head to use culturally appropriate language and idioms.  These people are serious, mostly hungry, but serious.  They don't mess around.  And you don't want to seem phony, so you run through the list:

Creator
Community
Family
Relatives

Mention at least three of four of these and you're legit.

when-  you never get invited out to the night scene, and it gets awkward for people to relish in their Ladies night exploits the moment you walk around.

. . .  what they don't know is the stout wine you take for communion every Sunday will knock their blood quantum down about 10% and you drink just as much like a dirty pirate than they do.  You just do it in a confined context and at a really boring pace.

when- your peers start confessing their dirty secrets and quirky habits and you go into minion mode and say "banana"?

when- your peers are offended than shocked than impressed by your equally perverse sense of humor and they respond usually with "aren't you a good little Christian boy?"

when- your romantic life gets reduced to Christian fu$@king mingle.com or some dot com in general.

when- people are fascinated that you can talk to animals and Jesus alike.

when- you reassure your non native brethren that Thanksgiving, Easter, Christmas, are ceremonial and mocked equally discriminatory and championed.

when- people suggest you'd be an amazing counselor, caregiver, or teacher.

-and you rebut by saying the heroes of your faith were adulterers, thieves, cowards, and murderers.  Where's the fun in doing those virtuous things?

-Casinos are a ginormous no no, especially at Christian conferences. I giggle at that one.

- sweet grass, sage, and smudging in general makes you feel like one with the universe to the point of lulu-ing and pumping your fist like a boss.  Nobody gets that excited, seriously.

-you can mix and match about eighty shades of colors of wooden crosses/ crucifixes. Pendelton, Turquoise. . .

- you get asked "how does your family feel about this. . .?"

- you may or may not practice your "praying face, the head bob down, or the just plain stoic face"

- somehow you give sage like wisdom when really you mimic Gandolf or Dumbledore.

-  you eek out words like 'grace, mercy, glory, amen'. .  and you stop and think about the rez slang to translate that with.

mostly, you feel comfortable around your inter-tribal peers and non natives equally and figure out how mess with them in their own contexts and natural habitats.